Dear Al Gore,

Thank you so much for allowing us to read an excerpt of your new book, “The Assault on Reason”, for free.  What a kind and sweet gesture.   

I wanted to write to you to thank you for promising to help the American people by only giving them the best and truest information.  I, like millions of other feeble-minded Americans, have a very tough time deciphering fact from fiction, and to hear that you want the government to do that for us is a load off my mind! 

All this time, I thought that elected officials didn’t care about me.  Well, Mr. Gore, you made me see that the Liberal Democrats love me so much that they want to help me in any way that they can, including taking on the pesky task of sorting through information regarding issues of national importance.  I mean, who wants to do that?  I have shows to watch and beer to drink!

I heard a guy say the other day that censoring the other stuff that you don’t think is true is against free-speech.  Well, I told them that free information - without having to dig through it to find the truth - really makes me want to get involved in our American democracy. 

Free, already-researched information is the best kind of ‘free’ there is!  (Besides, I don’t like speech that much, anyway, so even if it’s free, I don’t really want it.)  I told that dumb guy that he’s crazy.  He should appreciate the fact that the liberals are so willing to go through so many LexisNexis articles for him.  I, for one, wouldn’t want to work that hard.  What an ungrateful American. 

The best part of your idea is that I don’t even have to work at it.  You just tell me what to think and believe, Mr. Gore, and I’m off and running.  What a sweet deal!  Not only do I have my government-paid healthcare, foodstamps, welfare check, and free schooling for my kids, I can also now have free researching done for me so that I can be told what to think! 

Thanks, also, for pointing out how easily-influenced Americans are by shiny, sparkly images on television.  I often find myself zoning out while watching Fox News, and I can just feel my body taking in the information through osmosis, whether I like it or not.  I try to stop it, but when I watch ’The O’Reilly Factor’, I suddenly have this incredible urge to go protest an abortion clinic, listen to the Sean Hannity show, and run to Barnes and Noble to buy Ann Coulter’s latest book.  If what you’re talking about doing goes through, you can stop assaults like this from happening.  

Mr. Gore, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for looking out for we mindless, clueless Americans.  If it weren’t for people like you, we would actually have to think, which is something that most Americans don’t have the capacity to do (as you already know). 

Tell Tipper ‘Hi’, give the kids a squeeze, and you can leave the light on for me.  (I don’t care what those people say about you being a hipocryte for using all that energy, you’re doing the Lord’s work, and you deserve an illuminated house!)

Thanks Again,

Another Stupid, Mindless American Twit